Kenyon Pets: My Friend Got a Pet Hedgehog and it Was ow ow shit ow ow ow

This is Pickles. Pickles is a sassy Aquarius, a two-time MLB all-star, and she’s working on herself.

“This Is a Very Quiet Room” Campus Tour Guide Yells Soothingly as They Lead Their Group into the 3rd floor Chalmers Reading Room

On approximately exactly one month ago today I was serenely cogitating about perchance initiating my solitary studies when I was abruptly and abrasively made to recognize the presence of others.

10 o’clock list: If Going to Kenyon Wasn’t Already Enough Here’s Red Flags You Should Look for in Your Peers

Making friends and meeting people can sometimes be hard, but it’s very important to not just settle for any old person. If you think the crazies are wandering the streets of NYC late at night, you’re wrong. They’re the ones who live down the hall, share a class with you, wait in front of you in the line at Wiggins, and who you give a slight nod to when walking down middle path. They are always nearby, under the radar, so in order to help you filter them out, here are red flags to look out for in your peers:

BREAKING NEWS: Kenyon Announces “Fuck Them Kids”

Oh, dear Kenyon, you have decided to disappoint us once again. You have decided to move our graduation to before finals.

This brings forth a few questions:

• If seniors are graduating before our final grades are in, what does that mean for students who are relying on their final grades for graduating with honors?
• Do we just leave after our finals are done? Or before?
• What are you going to give us in the care package? A water bottle and a digitally signed card by Sean Decatur?

Thank you for yet again, Kenyon, for reminding all of your seniors that you simply do not care that we have any kind of special final moments on campus. I really appreciate that you have chosen to bring back the sophomores, and absolutely not give a shit about the seniors. I know this is an intensely difficult position, but your choices through the last four years (particularly your handling of COVID) has been ridiculous and short-sighted. It’s not even about the parents being here– it is the fact that I will still be working on my senior comprehensive exercises when I graduate. 

At Kenyon you will (watch the school be run like a cartoon college). Don’t ask me for money.

10 o’clock list: Ways to Spend this Long-Ass Winter Break

I know, I also can’t believe the semester is already over. It went by so fast!! Having class six days a week and only getting three days of break the whole semester has not left me a broken woman, I feel like I could jump right into the spring! Who’s ready for comps?!?!

Okay so we have a six-week winter break this year because of the things and stuff, and it’s straight up dangerous to leave our houses. What are we supposed to do? The Queen’s Gambit is only seven episodes long. And I don’t have Disney Plus.