10 o’clock list: Objectively Bad Things People Always Request that AVI Serve in Peirce

Tonight I was supposed to write a list about the things I would miss most at Kenyon after I graduate. That list was going to include items like: the damp but lovely New Apts smell, the way Middle Path stones creep their way into shoes, both closed and open toed, the Kenyon college gut–that layer of emotional and bodily insulation acquired by eating and living in dreamy, wholesome Ohio, the sand on the road as you cross the Kokosing and walk toward the BFEC, my palatial NCA, etc. But I’m not writing that list (surprise, Emma!). Yes, those things are nice and yes, I will miss them come May 17th, but this is my last ever 10 o’clock list and I have something important to get off of my chest. Whenever AVI asks for meal suggestions, a core group of you consistently request menu items that are objectively bad. In a last ditch effort to improve life at Kenyon after I graduate, here is a list of the worst ones. Constructive criticism comes gratis.

Diarrhea Planet

After a harrowing week of stomach virus awareness emails from Kim Cullers, the Horn Gallery has a weekend event to announce:

 

This is not a funny joke, Horn Gallery.  And anyway, wouldn’t Kenyon be a Hill, not a Planet?

Where’s It At? with SJW

With the Honorable Leslie Martin ’14 gone for the weekend, SJW and I are trying something new.

“And Mary and Greg and Ryan and Alex and Rachel #seniorshoutouts” -SJW

Full weekend lineup after the jump.

Konnections that Kount

Mollyman and Aordan, two seniors with Company jobs

Looking for a job is, in itself, a full-time job. Ask any college senior. But for Hary Bollyman ’14 and Jalex Aordan ’14, both English majors, the search is over.

“We are not unemployed,” Mollyman reported. “I’ve had a job all year.”

Aordon chimed in, saying, “Yeah, everyone thinks English majors have no career prospects, but they’re wrong!”

10 o’clock list: Research Papers You Write in College that Annoy Your High School-Aged Sister

Going home for break is mostly an exercise in figuring out how to complain about your homework without actively alienating your entire family. Like, you want to moan about the books and papers you need to take care of, but, also, will your grandparents freak out if they know you’re spending 14 hours a week learning about reggae music and mystical Judaism? When the spines of 2/3 of your break books read “The History of Sexuality”, the family room can turn into a family conflict room in an instant. But, clueless olds aside, it’s the high school-aged siblings you really need to be concerned about. If you let your little sister find out that you’re writing your final research paper on the Clique series, she may throw a temper tantrum, declare life to be totally unfair and announce she’s dropping out of high school. To avoid the hysterics, remind her that she needs to graduate high school before she can have fun in college — and never, ever show her this list.  Below, a list of real paper topics dreamt up by real Kenyon students.

1. Parallels Between Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and Chaucer’s “A Pardoner’s Tale”- This paper is the summation of “going to Kenyon” in the minds of all high schoolers.