Oh, hi! It’s me again, sharing my barely-contained rage at the latest abuse of the allstu mailing group! Look, I understand that it’s tough when people do something that bothers you, especially during a pandemmy. Still, it’s no excuse to force the entire student body to listen to your half-baked and, frankly, poorly thought out email. So, here’s a few alternatives/reasons to keep your opinion out of my inbox:
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TO: ALLSTU@KENYON.EDU
SUBJECT LINE: LAST CHANCE FOR THE MUSIC LESSONS
A greeting to the Sad Children!
The Music Lessons march to their deadline like ominous ants. But– worry not, young Revelers:
[image result for John Green Contemplating. The teeth…they come out of hiding]
The registrar will cradle you gently until 4:69 PM
A sweet plea for your presence that does not reveal how desperate I truly am.
Signs off wetly,
Professor Spiderman
In the cold darkness of February 2013, a scourge descended upon Kenyon and laid waste to our tiny school. A simple AllStu, entitled “131 Assassins so far. Are you one?” unleashed a chaos that devoured countless Kenyon emails accounts. What was just an invitation to play an all-campus game became a wasteland of over 120 replies, many of them crying to be released from the chain. While most of the digital fracas was contained to the night of February 27th, the last reply was not sent until more than a month later, on April 5th. We asked a few seniors what they remember about the infamous AllStu War.
One highlight of the week was a cancelled BFEC hike. Instead of retreating, Rochelle and Cusick ended up going on a self-guided hike through the BFEC. (Photo via Wikipedia Commons)
How many Allstu emails do you delete in a week? Probably too many. When first-year Mary Sawyer realized she was deleting more emails than she kept, she was unhappy. “I came to college thinking I was going to do a lot, and then by week two, if I saw an allstu I deleted that.” It was then that she and a group of friends decided to do the impossible: go to every event advertised by email for one week.
The idea started as a joke, when Henry Uhrik ’18 wondered “how many friends we’d make if we went to all of them,” but quickly formulated as a scheme that Uhrik, and Sawyer, along with first-years Ramsey Brown, Alice Cusick, Jenna Rochelle, and Austin Smith would take part in. Using Google Drive, the group created a schematic of over fifty events that they would attend, including everything from Kickboxing at the KAC to “Writing Mussolini: II Duce’s American Biographies on Paper and Screen, 1922-1936.” Continue reading
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re going abroad next semester! You have the sophomore slump! Your athlete’s foot traveled to your armpits! Whatever. So you’ve got problems and the whole kit and kaboodle. And then your professor emails you about a lecture you should attend or homework you should do or, maybe, just about how she knows that you’re picking your nose in class and wiping it on the table–slowly sculpting your gooey fluids into a shrine of the person in front of you. That’s 100% some nasty-ass creepy shit, man. Anyway. Before you reply, make sure your turkey brain isn’t talking and don’t respond in the following ways:
1. Allstu all the way. ‘Twas the night before class and all through the dorm, no one was stirring, except some dude watching porn. Continue reading
The Kenyon Thrill 
